Oddly I found it harder to ‘come out’ to family than to friends. Perhaps because it involves acknowledging the existence of sex which is something we go out of our way to avoid with our parents.
My mom knew from back when I was diagnosed with PCOS – I was young enough that she was the one who took me to a gynec. Presumably she told my dad? I’ve always known that he knows about things but I rarely tell him myself. But we didn’t tell my parents we were trying up until we were actually starting treatments. Mostly it felt too awkward and anyways, what could they do or say? Still, since then they’ve been nothing but supportive, especially since my mom was here during my last cycle and the ectopic so she could see the drain of all of it.
In-laws — well, we finally told them when we were trying to make them understand why we weren’t planning on trip to visit then and instead wanted them to come visit us. They don’t live in the same country so a trip to visit them is usually at least 3 weeks. I couldn’t fathom losing (potentially multiple) cycles because we were traveling. To give them credit, the moment we told them, they immediately asked, “ok, when is best for us to visit?” Actually, I think they were just relieved that I wasn’t high-powered-career-woman-who-never-wants-kids. With the ectopic.. well, I never talked to them about it. My husband told them and then no one mentioned it again (which is what I wanted).
So both sets of parents know but none really knows any details. And all of them largely take our lead — if we want to talk, they’re willing to listen but they don’t bring it up.
As for extended family, we have no plans to tell anyone. Either we’d get a lot of (already known and unnecessary) advice or “well, my daughter had a hard time. she was trying for 3 whole months!” stories or “it’s not in God’s plan” stories. None of which are remotely comforting. Last time we visited, I told my husband that if any of extended family asks about kids, I’d talk to them very explicitly about ovulation or timing sex. Thankfully I never had to carry through with that threat (because I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to)!