On the home front, baby is amazing! He’s so happy and smart and altogether lovable. I’m still rather in awe that all of the work of the past several years created this amazing being with his own personality and way of doing things.
Sleep training is so far an utter fail. He at least doesn’t get up for food at night (well, he gets up once around 11pm but that’s doable). So we get decent-ish sleep from 11pm till 6pm when he wakes up. Compared to a couple of months ago, that’s a massive improvement. The downside – he only sleeps like that when he’s in bed with us. And so, I find myself co-sleeping even though it’s not what I wanted to do. Mostly I want my space back without having to do gymnastic to not squish baby. But then, as my husband said, we spent years yearning for him to be a part of our lives so maybe we should just let go and enjoy it.
His top teeth are starting to come in now so he’s a bit early on that front. He sits comfortably and can pull himself up to sitting or standing using me as a prop. He’s super independent and has been holding his own bottle to drink for a couple of months now. And prefers feeding himself though that’s always a messy proposition. Favorite foods – apple/pear and yogurt. We’ve tried a couple of finger foods (like softened toast) but mostly we’re too worried about choking. I know I know, gagging is not choking but it’s a mental block for all of us that we need to let go a bit more. It’s funny but somehow I revel in the mess (It’s usually not as bad as this picture. I decided to use the smeared yogurt to create a face mask to help his ridiculously dry skin). I suppose the way my husband thinks about co-sleeping, I think about food and the mess it creates. It’s a sign of joy and exuberance for me – that there’s a child joyfully living in the house.
He is rather demanding at times. One of our nicknames for him is Maharaja (which means king). He’s also going through an i-need-mommy phase which is both heartwarming and reassuring and also frustrating. I have to sneak out for work without seeing him because otherwise, he cries and demands that I pick him up. Still, he’s learnt to hug me which is so unbelievably lovely. Also I’m starting to feel the need to teach him some version of sign language because he clearly knows what he wants but everything gets articulated as a grunt-whine.
Perhaps strange but sometimes I wonder why he loves me. I certainly don’t feel worthy of it. In terms of people who care for him, my parents and husband are just as involved (more so sometimes). I protect my me-time far more than any of them do. And I don’t know how self sacrificial I feel towards him. Then again, my mom was telling me not to sell myself short and that I’m being biased in my evaluations and whether I consciously think that or not, I am doing a lot for him. Mostly, even now, I feel like moms are amazing and I don’t know if I’m living up to that example.