It’s been kinda strange leaving my grad school life behind. I’m still so weirded out by the PhD following my name (for reasons unbeknownst to me, my new lab insists on email signatures).
And I realize that I have a raging case of imposter syndrome. For instance, my PI or other collaborators will be all “this is something we think you’ll be able to add a lot of value to” and mentally I just go “umm… yeah… I have no idea if I’ll be any use for that” Still, I’m trying to not let these feelings hold me back.
One change I have noticed in myself — I’m speaking up more! I’m typically one of those people who only really expresses an opinion/question/comment when directly asked or in a one-on-one. But somehow, surprisingly, here, I’m finding my voice. Without constantly feeling a pit in the middle of my stomach about talking! Part of it, I’m sure, is that because I’m so new, I’m still allowed to ask stupid questions. Part of it could be that since I’m in a different field, I feel more confident about the stuff that’s mine. And part could be that I have less riding on this job (compared to grad school). After all, worst case, I leave and find another job. There’s no sunk cost. And I think all the fertility stuff has a role in that too — work isn’t my whole identity the way it was several years ago which helps.
Anyways, who knows if this strange new oddly confident (and yet not) me will last. 🙂