Too much time to think

So much for a vacation – now I’m waiting for work to start if only so it’ll provide a distraction and different things to worry about.

I had a dream yesterday about IVF in which we retrieved 16 eggs (and 7 fertilized). Thank god it wasn’t a nightmare. Mostly it was about me running around trying to find a phone to call back the doctor’s office to find out results.

We’re doing our best to prep and go in with our eyes wide open. Hubby and I spent our Sunday watching these IVF training videos (which actually was only partially helpful. I do not need more information about the risks.) Still, it did give a good sense of the stages involved. And at least felt like the shots themselves were the easier part of the process.

I really need more going on in my life. I originally thought, ‘oh, lets wait till I’ve been at the job a couple of months so things are more stable.’ Now I just want to get it over with. And yes, I’m clearly still operating under the naive impressions that once will be enough. But I figure at least it’ll get me through the first time and after that, the process itself won’t be a surprise to me.

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13 thoughts on “Too much time to think

  1. Anticipation is hard. I don’t have much experience with IVF, but I know what helped us with the one cycle was being honest that it would be a stressful month. For example I told people at work what was going on and noted that I wouldn’t be staying late because I had to take shots at a certain time. Not everybody would do that I’m sure but it helped me be calm and feel less pressure. Then I really immersed myself in the details and took some pride in being a quick study. “Being prepared” didn’t make the tough stuff easier but it did make me feel stronger in the face of it. I wish you luck and the best possible outcome.

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  2. Echoing what everyone else says: the physical part of IVF is one thing but the emotional roller coaster is its own beast. Take it easy and focus on one step at a time. Easier said than done. I was thinking of taking an art class for my next cycle – just something new and different to focus on rather than spending all that time on the ‘what ifs.’ Good luck!

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    1. Agreed! I think nothing can prepare new IVFers for the emotional rollercoaster. It’s one of those things one just has to experience. But if new IVFers apply the advice above, it’ll make the process that much less stressful.

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      1. To be honest, I’m hoping new job will result in enough distraction. And I’ve been telling myself, this isn’t _really_ that different from an IUI cycle. It’s the same waiting periods with higher probabilities (so far, I’ve been able to fool myself with that).

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  3. I agree with MamaJo wholeheartedly. It just is what it is, and you take your drugs and try to maintain a normal life and then at the point of transfer you can start to invest in some neuroses. Before that, it’s a long boring protocol and the numbers mean almost nothing in terms of likelihood of success. You can drive yourself mad, or just go with the flow as best as possible.
    I was going to say, this time between degree and work is so rare and so nice. Maybe set some goals for it? Try three restaurants you’ve had your eye on, or go swimming twice a week or something? Goals to focus on so this break isn’t swamped by fertility

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    1. Today I realized that there is very little that’s on me anymore – the decisions are for the most part the doctor’s. And that’s actually a bit of a relief. All I have to do is remember to take meds and schedule appointments. I’m the type to be very anxious before something starts but once it does, I get into the groove.

      Well, I have one week left 🙂 I did go out quite a bit and got back into exercising which was nice. A lot of time got derailed between car, finding a new place and insurance stuff which was unfortunate.

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  4. The best advice I can give you is to do your best not to get worked up in each step along the way (how many follicles at baseline, how many follicles growing each ultrasound, how many eggs retrieved etc) my successful cycle with my miracle son I only had 5 eggs retrieved and 3 low quality day 3 embryos one that became him then for this donor cycle we had a lot of eggs and blasts and success. My point is- getting caught up in each report and step is emotionally exhausting and doesn’t really matter— the end result is what you are pursuing and I am hopeful you will find your miracle. Xoxo

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  5. Try not to think too hard about it. IVF is what it is. The process isn’t so bad, it’s the waiting – so definitely find yourself a project to occupy your mind. Learn a new craft, or get some good books, or take an online class or something.

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