- “Don’t wait too long to have kids” : Oddly, this isn’t an unusual one for me. People seem to assume that I prioritize career over family. It’s sometimes useful to go with that assumption, especially when I’m asked:
- “When are you planning to have kids?” : One of these days, I’m going respond with a rant about the state of my insides. And I know plenty of information that makes the average person squirm.
- “Do you have kids?” : This one’s a new one and unexpectedly painful. The context was that I was at a friend’s kid’s bday party. And yes, there were lots of kids running around. But surely if one of those were mine, I would have introduced him/her? And can’t I attend a birthday party without having a kid? Is that somehow a prerequisite?
- Inviting a baby-ed couple to their kid’s bday party. And not me. Right in front of me. : Yes, this actually happened. And couples A and B had pretty much just met.
As I’ve crossed 30, increasingly, it feels like the mommies have some exclusive club. And because you don’t have a kid, you can’t possibly know how hard it is to be a parent. And you can’t possibly understand problems that arise or how to trouble shoot those. I actually like hearing about their kids and how they’re doing. These are my friends, of course I want to know what’s going on in their lives. But not at the exclusion of all else. And, please, return that friendship and do me the courtesy of asking “Are you doing ok?” or “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”
Definitely with certain friends, it’s felt like I’m now less worthy to be a friend. For now, I’ve ghosted but honestly, I think one of these days, I’m going to break and end up saying something like “F*** you. You have no idea what I’ve been through.”