I have a meeting with my RE next week to figure out the plan of action from here. Well, clearly it’s IVF now but we’ll have to work out timelines/protocols. While a lot of me wants to know why my tubes have issues, I realize that on some level, it doesn’t really matter. My main concern is whether I have something like undiagnosed endometriosis or something else that could affect implantation. Does this change expected success rates? I would think not since IVF anyways bypasses anything tube related but who knows.
I realized yesterday that I don’t actually like our RE that much. I trust his judgement but I’m feeling talked over. Like when I bring up a concern I get a lot of very friendly, very polite “oh don’t worry about it, its not a big deal.” But it is a big deal for me. None of it is major but just lots of little things are increasingly making me feel like we’re not communicating on the same plane. Bear in mind my ideal doctor is one who sits and explains the hows and whys of the process gives me the primary source literature to read. For instance, I was trying to gauge just how hard is IVF on my body/emotions/etc. His attitude was ‘oh don’t worry, its not a big deal.’ Compare this to my OBGYN (who i love!) who’s been through ivf herself – her response was “sigh, well, its not fun, you just have to power through it. But when it works out, it’s all worth it in the end.” Fair enough.
Or yesterday, after I was in shock after finding out that basically my tubes are garbage, I was still processing a little information. I was trying to ask, well, if tubes are out, how do you access the eggs? He kept saying ‘through the vagina’. Well, in my mind that means you have to thread through the uterus, through the (blocked) tubes. The nurse understood exactly what I was asking (for the record, the eggs are accessed via a needle that goes straight from the vagina to the outside of the ovaries where the eggs are. No incision, just a needle prick). Doctor meanwhile thought I was an idiot. I might not have the medical knowledge but I am smart. You just have to give me the information.
I’m not sure whether it makes sense to switch – mostly I just want to grit my teeth and get through the next several months. And there’s no guarantee that there wouldn’t be other issues with someone else. Plus, I like the nurses, general staff and functioning of the clinic.
Oh and in general, what I found – nurses are amazing. Doctors do their stuff but when it comes to being taken care of, I’ll take a nurse. They listen and make sure that I’m not in pain or anything. After the procedure when I was quietly sobbing on the side, they made sure I was warm and comfortable and got me water and everything.
On a different note, before the HSG, I made sure my legs were waxed and things down there were generally.. tidy. I’m actually really thankful for that. Unlike every other test/procedure where I’d at least sorta covered/draped, I was all out in the open in this one. Of all things to be defensive about, I don’t want to be defensive about the state of my body hair. I’m also thankful that since I started doing more regular.. maintenance last year, I’m at least sorta used to people looking at random parts of me. Small stupid thing maybe but it’s something that’s making more just a tad more comfortable with being poked around and looked at under bright lights.