I’m done with one week of birth control pills. I’m probably just weird but somehow those pills are a tangible object of loss and I hatehate taking them. After all, if my baby was growing safe and sound, I wouldn’t be having those. And I’ve been counting down. Only 7 more weeks of this to go.
Do women actually take these for years on end? No wonder there’s such a high practical failure rate. And I somehow came across an article by a young woman who had a stroke which was caused by, wait for it, birth control. So that’s been comforting to my nerves.
Also, have all these women around me been taking them all the time and I’ve just been oblivious? I’ve been timing mine a little after dinner so days we go out, I’ve just taken it in public. Which feels super weird. But oddly enough, less weird than say, clomid. I suppose that makes sense — birth control is ‘normal’. No one would blink an eye. But admitting that I’m taking clomid (or whatever else) is admitting that we want kids. And we’re failing at it. And failing badly. It’s also made me realize that as much as we’re open with some friends, there are plenty who don’t have a clue.
I’ve lately been finding myself wanting to run around, hands in the air, telling those those couple friends who aren’t thinking about kids yet – ‘but your eggs! and sperm! do you know how many other problems exist? and how many failure points? and what the probabilities are?’ Of course last time I talked probabilities with a friend, they ended up pregnant in 2 months (even after major thyroid issues) and I ended up bitter. (To put myself in a slightly better light, we were talking about life plans and then I ended up doing a brain dump of all the reproductive-related information I’ve collected over the years such as BBT measuring and preseed).
Also, yep to Mel’s Infertility Manifesto. I feel like at some point, I’m going to break down and print a stack to hand out to anyone who says something weird/inappropriate.