Random Musings

I’m done with one week of birth control pills. I’m probably just weird but somehow those pills are a tangible object of loss and I hatehate taking them. After all, if my baby was growing safe and sound, I wouldn’t be having those. And I’ve been counting down. Only 7 more weeks of this to go.

Do women actually take these for years on end? No wonder there’s such a high practical failure rate. And I somehow came across an article by a young woman who had a stroke which was caused by, wait for it, birth control. So that’s been comforting to my nerves.

Also, have all these women around me been taking them all the time and I’ve just been oblivious? I’ve been timing mine a little after dinner so days we go out, I’ve just taken it in public. Which feels super weird. But oddly enough, less weird than say, clomid. I suppose that makes sense — birth control is ‘normal’. No one would blink an eye. But admitting that I’m taking clomid (or whatever else) is admitting that we want kids. And we’re failing at it. And failing badly. It’s also made me realize that as much as we’re open with some friends, there are plenty who don’t have a clue.

I’ve lately been finding myself wanting to run around, hands in the air, telling those those couple friends who aren’t thinking about kids yet – ‘but your eggs! and sperm! do you know how many other problems exist? and how many failure points? and what the probabilities are?’ Of course last time I talked probabilities with a friend, they ended up pregnant in 2 months (even after major thyroid issues) and I ended up bitter. (To put myself in a slightly better light, we were talking about life plans and then I ended up doing a brain dump of all the reproductive-related information I’ve collected over the years such as BBT measuring and preseed).

Also, yep to Mel’s Infertility Manifesto. I feel like at some point, I’m going to break down and print a stack to hand out to anyone who says something weird/inappropriate.

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7 thoughts on “Random Musings

  1. yeah I feel tempted to go around warning everyone too! Fertility seems so fleeting and brief to me now and no one should put it off! I have friends who did start trying earlier than they would have otherwise after hearing me talk about my various infertility worries and they both got pregnant within two months of trying. So yeah. I’m glad I *helped*. Speaking of birth control I was on it for years and years before coming off it. The first one I was on was high dose. My doctor just looked at me and said, oh you have acne and prescribed me the high dose one. I used to feel nauseous taking it. And I read after that it’s bad to be on such a high dose pill for long. The doctor probably had a deal with the pharmaceutical company, cynical me thinks!

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  2. It seems like your personality shows through your writing. I love it. I know it hurts when fertiles get pregnant straightaway, when you write about your friend who had major thyroid issues and got pregnant in two months — that encourages me. I’ve had major thyroid issues. I’ll have to check out the manifesto.

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  3. I’ve been on birth control for … well, forever, basically, because of my endometriosis. 10 years ago I transitioned to straight progesterone. For whatever it’s worth, I find taking it in the morning a lot easier, and most women I know either do it when they wake up or when they go to bed – if I had to take it with me, I’d forget all the time!

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  4. Ha, I took my one and only pack of birth control pills in the morning and my head wasn’t always screwed on right: once I put them in the recycle bin by mistake. I would not at all like the stress of having to remember to take, year in year out. Oh well one problem we don’t have.

    It’s true, when you’ve lived with infertility for a while it does affect your perceptions of everything. And I agree, Mel’s infertility manifesto is the best.

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