For all that I’ve been very open with some of my friends, I’ve been very closed with others. And it made me realize that some of my choices/things I do don’t actually make sense to an outsider who doesn’t know anything about my struggles.
For instance, I recently made the decision to regularly hire a cleaning person. Now, we don’t have a huge place so, can I clean it myself — yes, of course. But during the IUI cycles and then the ectopic treatment, I was on a no heavy duty work regime (the only good thing about all this if you ask me). And my husband’s already taking on a lot (plus, he’s totally a procrastinator so by the time he actually cleans the bathroom, it’s been ages of nagging). So eventually, I decided to outsource for the sake of our sanity. And I’m starting to increasingly do that with a lot of non-career and non-fertility related work — either outsource or just ignore.
I was visiting a friend with an infant and they were talking about how hard it is that none of the work ever goes away and they’ve had to get comfortable with a never disappearing list of tasks. And I could tell they were wondering what I had to complain about since there were no babies in the picture. But without knowing what I’m going through, they have no way of realizing that my life is damn hard in a very different way.
This whole experience has (I hope) made me more aware of different struggles people go through. Just because it’s not visible on the outside doesn’t mean that someone isn’t dealing with their own shit and it’s not always easy to understand their motivations and where they’re coming from.
PS – Look what I got from my RE’s office! Perfect timing.
countingpinklines 
True, so true. It’s like that thing that says “be kind always — you never know what people are struggling with.” I think outsourcing or ignoring things that clear your plate during this difficult time is a great idea, so much self care here.
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I didn’t take things off my plate, but may should have and still could. It’s difficult to pass on the responsibility at times. But I did take away the same message from infertility: you can’t always see another person’s struggles, don’t judge. I may not always be good at not judging, but I do my best.
And I love the note from your RE.
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I agree – it’s hard to let go of things. It took my mom sitting me down and saying “I wish I had take more off my plate. Don’t make the same mistake” because I caved and got some help.
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That’s a good idea. Going thru treatments I rarely have any motivation to do anything.
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Yep, and there’s that.
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That’s such a good point. We see so very little. Good for you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and stay sane.
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I think it’s smart to take stuff off your plate if you can. You are dealing with a lot right now.
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