For all that I’ve been very open with some of my friends, I’ve been very closed with others. And it made me realize that some of my choices/things I do don’t actually make sense to an outsider who doesn’t know anything about my struggles.
For instance, I recently made the decision to regularly hire a cleaning person. Now, we don’t have a huge place so, can I clean it myself — yes, of course. But during the IUI cycles and then the ectopic treatment, I was on a no heavy duty work regime (the only good thing about all this if you ask me). And my husband’s already taking on a lot (plus, he’s totally a procrastinator so by the time he actually cleans the bathroom, it’s been ages of nagging). So eventually, I decided to outsource for the sake of our sanity. And I’m starting to increasingly do that with a lot of non-career and non-fertility related work — either outsource or just ignore.
I was visiting a friend with an infant and they were talking about how hard it is that none of the work ever goes away and they’ve had to get comfortable with a never disappearing list of tasks. And I could tell they were wondering what I had to complain about since there were no babies in the picture. But without knowing what I’m going through, they have no way of realizing that my life is damn hard in a very different way.
This whole experience has (I hope) made me more aware of different struggles people go through. Just because it’s not visible on the outside doesn’t mean that someone isn’t dealing with their own shit and it’s not always easy to understand their motivations and where they’re coming from.
PS – Look what I got from my RE’s office! Perfect timing.