For years now, I’ve felt bittersweet about spring, in spite of all the renewal, growth, life, and sunshine outside. I suppose it started when I left college where spring represented my farewell to my childhood and so many friendships. And ever since, graduation-time has been a bittersweet (some years more bitter than sweet) as I’ve plodded along with my PhD, still not nearing completion and envious of those who had easier paths through.
This year, well this year is when I thought that would change. I’m finally finishing up my degree. And this time, leaving university is less painful and more relief at finally moving on and excitement (and some anxiety) about next steps.
And added to that, I found out that I was pregnant. What better way to acknowledge life and moving on in both the outside world and the inside! But as it turned out, things didn’t work out that way. And spring is still more associated with loss than with renewal and hope.