#MicroblogMondays : Playing with babies

I spent a good chunk of the weekend with one of my friends and her family – just hanging out, going to the zoo with her and her kid, cooking dinner and then movie night. One thing I’ve found strange is that with some friends and their kids, I’m perfectly happy to play and laugh with their babies. With others, just the thought of seeing them fills me with dread. I don’t actually know why but I have a few theories.

Some friends got pregnant before we started trying or in the early days of process for us. That feels.. justified. They started earlier so of course they reach the goal earlier. It’s the ones who started well after us (and now have had their babies) who are painful to watch. With others, the fact that they’re a few years older makes it easier to spend time with them — it feels like I have more time to ‘catch up’ and I’m not behind in life. With some others, their less than sensitive comments essentially made me cut off contact to whatever degree possible. We’re ‘out’ to most of our friends so ignorance isn’t really an excuse. And with some, there’s no logic really.

At any rate, in spite of all the blood tests and cramping, I actually had an enjoyable weekend with a baby who has finally deigned to accept me as a friend! 🙂

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8 thoughts on “#MicroblogMondays : Playing with babies

  1. My struggle is with the young ones who get pregnant. My son’s girlfriend (not his child, thank God!) had a baby at 16. His older brother and his girlfriend had a baby last fall, she was 19 and he just turned 18. My cousin is expecting. He just got married to his wife in August, so it was super-easy for them, which is challenging for me. I’m selfishly grateful that my sister does not want children, because I know I would really struggle with her getting pregnant and getting all the hoopla my adoption did not receive.

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  2. Yes. I get that. And certain people are “OK to get pregnant” in my book. My BFF… will it sting slightly when it happens for her? Yes. But certainly better than some other people in my life. Where I lost sleep and stressed for weeks after I found out.

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    1. Absolutely. I think closer friends are easier to accept somehow.

      Coming ‘out’ has definitely helped me learn who are my real friends. When I told our happy and then not-happy news to one of my friends (who’s currently pregnant), she gave me the space I asked for. And even after their 20 wk ultrasound, with all their happiness, when I said, “I’m very happy for you, but it might be a while before I can fully express it”, she was so unexpectedly gracious and mature and just said to take time for ourselves and to feel free to talk about things anytime. Certainly this hasn’t been the usual type of response and I have to say, I respect her that much more for it.

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  3. I have that too, but there is no rhyme or reason to it. Pregnancy too — I’ll be totally fine with some pregnant women and then feel tense around others.

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  4. Ah… I can see how some babies would be easier to hang out with than others. That is another painful thing about infertility treatment, is how it affects relationships with friends, with people who move forward in this area of their lives and can’t relate to your struggle. It hurts. For me, spending time with other people’s children depended on where I was in a cycle, but there were definitely people who I could take and people who I just …couldn’t. And that’s okay, because while you’re going through this personal hell, you need to protect yourself and be kind to yourself and if that means limiting people who can’t be sensitive to you, then good for you for recognizing that and doing what’s best for you. Thinking of you and so glad you had a lovely weekend. I used to hold newer babies up close and whisper to them “Tell your friends I’m cool.” 🙂

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