I’ve apparently hit the age where suddenly, all of my friends are pregnant. I don’t know why I didn’t expect this – I guess I expected some of them to wait longer; others to take more time. It’s not that I’m not happy for them. But at the fifth pregnant person of the day (baby shower season) and the tenth facebook friend of the month to announce, well, mostly I wonder ‘why not me?’
Talking about it more has brought a level of normalcy to infertility. But.. it’s still a lonely path. That most don’t understand. With each passing cycle, I worry that more of my eggs have gone to die. Then again, if I’m not ovulating.. does that bode well for my egg count?
I hate how people don’t talk about the issues. Suddenly, everyone’s comparing notes about morning sickness and tests and plans. And.. I feel left out. And lost. And while clearly that’s not the reason I want a baby, it does make me feel even more lonely along my path. It’s hard to even muster up the cheerfulness to congratulate people anymore on their news. And I’ve been knitting baby things for many of my friends who have had babies but with this round.. I just don’t know if I can do it.