I think one of the hardest challenges for me in this life-phase is balancing all my concerns about conceiving and pregnancy with other things in life. Who am I kidding – everything has been a challenge. This is just yet another one.
I’ve realized fertility pops up in my life in the weirdest ways. Like not getting enough work done because I’ve been spending too much time googling things during the 2ww (I really need to start curtailing that). Still, that’s a relatively easy problem to solve (and mostly occurs because I’m in a bit of a lull work-wise).
Other weird times to occur recently – when my brother-in-law was visiting. I haven’t talked to my in-laws about any of our fertility issues. No reason really – they’re perfectly nice, understanding people but I just haven’t been in the mental space to open up the topic with them. But if I did, I’d probably talk to my mom-in-law or sis-in-law.. not the b-i-l. Partially because he strikes me as the kind of guy who gets all squeamish about the girly things in life. Perhaps I’ve misjudged. At any rate, he came at one of the worst times – right as I was finding out that this cycle didn’t work. And all I wanted to do was stay home and cry. And couldn’t. I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been a couple of weeks before and everyone realizing that no, we don’t want to stay up late and hang out because his baby brother needs to get down and dirty.
For better or worse, I made the decision to share my struggles with some of my close friends. I’m the sort of person who needs to talk problems out with others to process them so it’s been a help just knowing that I can be frank with certain people. It’s had other advantages. As I’ve revealed my struggles, others have shared theirs too which has been infinitely comforting. There’s a huge difference between knowing that an undetermined 10% of the population struggles with fertility and actually knowing other people who have experienced it. And the anecdotal evidence from friends is substantially less biased (and more optimistic) than what I read online or in books (which all tend towards the extreme bad end – otherwise, where’s the story).
On the other hand, this has certainly opened me up to criticism and (inadvertently) hurtful comments from others. There’s the people who are totally into naturopathy (which is fine) but then judge me for using meds. There are others who judge me for using meds because they didn’t. And then there’s the extremely useless advice – ‘relax’, ‘don’t stress’, ‘it’ll happen when it happens’, ‘it’s fun- you get to have all the sex you want.’ Especially hurtful are the ones who have struggled to conceive and still say things like, ‘you just need to relax. that’s how we got pregnant.’
In the end, I’m not sure if it was a good decision or not to share. At any rate, I can’t take back things I’ve said. But I am becoming more wary about who to share with and who not to.